OK, so I call this garbage game Turdburglar, because it, well, it's fucking ass.
Video wherein the author details it's contents here. Thanks, now I don't have to buy it, I just have to watch a 10 minute video and not reach for any sharp implements to attempt to end my suffering.
First thing: $2/page is fucking highway robbery. This is complete shillery of the lowest caliber. 2 page RPGs at a price above free should instantly go fuck themselves. I wouldn't even enjoy a module this size, let alone a full ruleset. Microlite20 fuckface. Better than your game even if there are 4000 versions of it which are all 70% copypasta of one another.
"High I'm smarmy douchebag and this channel is about being a smarmy douchebag with just one strand of hair out of place because it makes me cool" - first words out of video-person's cock-holster. Or at least that's how I heard them.
"For a long time my viewers and peons have asked for my house rules because they're too stupid to come up with their own based on their own play experiences. So I figured, fuck it I can make these idiots pay $4 for 2 pages of shit I shat out in a weekend, and here we are."
He actually says something about these being his 5E house rules, which is complete fucking bullshit. Then he says he's reviewing it. It's his own product, so "reviewing" isn't the correct term. The correct term is advertising. Or shilling. He's fucking shilling.
He then says the Index Card RPG guy did the layout for the game, but he obviously also did the art, as it's clearly his style of art. Index Card RPG is also trash, but that's for a different garbage day. He also says his game is six pages, even though it's clearly 2 pages/3 columns/page landscape. A full half of one column is INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO FOLD THE FUCKING THING LIKE THAT ISN'T OBVIOUS. And another section is a goddamn character sheet meaning every goddamn player is going to have a copy of the full rules in order to employ a character sheet which is both a waste of space and money. We're in the internet age idiots. Don't put your fucking character sheet in your core book. Give it away for free on your site, that way I can download it and judge your game without owning it and realize it's trash and write a semi-drunken blog post about it.
He goes on to say the game is a stripped down version of D&D5E. It's not. It's minimalist trash. There are almost no guts carried over from 5E. You could say fucking Electric Bastionland was a 5E derivative because it has hit points and a d20 roll and that'd be a fucking lie. This means he's not even selling his minimalist game right to properly keep from ripping off his audience. People into 5E are going to expect that this isn't completely fucking different and be ripped off.
Things jackass says he likes about 5E: Consistency, d20 roll high, streamlined, and monster manual. What he likes about Old school: Lethality. Ok, so ignoring that 5E isn't consistent (all magic seems to behave different) or streamlined (At third level you get a subclass that you better have been building to since the beginning...), the game he wants is fucking B/X D&D full stop. Standard/classic/basic OSE for OSR nerds. If you love the monster manual so much, import the AD&D2E Monstrous Manual. It's the fucking best monster manual ever printed and will never be beaten on a cost/quality/quantity basis by any D&D monster manual forever. It's essentially FOUR monster manuals in one, as every monster manual has 150 monsters nowadays and the Monstrous Manual has ~600. Also has a 1 monster/page format that makes every new edition monster manual look like a fucking toddler designed the layout of it. I can't believe they never went back to this perfect ideal of a format for monstrous manuals. Luckily, I own both an original Monstrous Manual and the WotC Reprint they couldn't possibly fuck up and the AD&D3E version that's usable by B/X fans.
"We do away with derivative stats" - proceeds to not talk about a derived stats, merely multi-value stats (traditional Con where a 14 is a +1 bonus). Derived stats are like saying the number of items you can carry is Con + 10, which this game does. That's a derived stat, moron. The "possible items carried" stat is DERIVED from Con plus an arbitrary number that wouldn't have had to exist if you kept the multi-value stat of Constitution from that little game called D&D that's been around since 1974 retard.
"You get 8 build points to distribute between your six ability scores, at first level you can have a max of +6" So this game is also lying about being gritty/dark/etc. All the characters are fucking greek heroes. You can start as fucking Heracles (god-tier strength) or Biggus Dickus (god-tier charisma). That's what we call NOT FUCKING GRITTY DUMBASS.
"Stats max out at +10" - So essentially we're saying this game maxes out at PL10 Mutants & Masterminds level, which is World Class Supers level. What a fucktard. And I'm only 2 minutes and 15 seconds into this fucking shitshow. He then sorta doesn't explain what a bonus is. So perhaps his game bonuses are meaningless and a +6 in a stat may mean you're barely competent (somewhat invalidating my previous criticism but bringing up a new one). I feel like the 2 page pamphlet isn't going to actually explain that in any rational or useful way. You've tossed even the garbage 5E math to the wayside and lit it's girlfriend on fire. This game is math-less. It was designed entirely with feelings and what Prince of Nothing (one of the many princes of the OSR, and one of my favorite sons) would call "ultimate gayness".
"I took away the one thing that gave Con any value but don't worry Con isn't valueless, you're just a fucking retard if you take it because of how point systems work and the fact that it's far less value than other stats". Well he said something else but I can't lie even if I'm quoting dickheads.
He then says monsters will have a THIRD less hit points. That's not nearly enough to bring 5E's shit-tastic monsters into even a remotely sane range of hit points. You're talking fixes for 3E's numbers and we're 2 editions past that dawg. SUCK LESS AT MATH.
Because negative hit points are for sissies and fucking bitch-ass 2E players or worse, I approve of death at negative HPs. It SHOULD be death at 0, but that's the best this fucking nancy is going to do this entire video/ruleset so he gets the minor golf clap that is nearly inaudible from me.
He then started talking about fucking stupid die pools you add to a d20 roll because math is hard and his penis is continually soft unless he rolls more than one dice and has no idea what the risk is of anything he's doing. Then he's at about a half-stock. My hatred for any and all "roll a die with a d20 and go fuck yourself" mechanics is so severe I passed out and missed a good 20 seconds of the video.
"Ever wanted to smite like a paladin but you can't because you're not a paladin?"
NO. It's called niche protection dicknose. "Ever wanted to cast spells but you're a fighter because fuck wizards because they're nerds? Here's some gay dice. Hit the showers gentlemen!" Having a meta-resource burn niche-protection to the ground but ONLY certain niche protection (can't cast spells with Turd Burglar dice, can ya?) is a deep-seated failure of any sort of design intelligence in any way. It's like a fourth-grader who learned what D&D was last week from terrible examples on Stranger Things is making house rules.
"Swing from a chandelier" - Wait a minute... You can't swing from a fucking chandelier without a goddamn meta-chanic to assist you? Have you fucking read ANYTHING in the OSR dumbass?
"Every character has a right to kill someone with a leg of mutton" - What is this, fucking TOON? So grimdark, having food-fights end in fatalities! So metal. Wait, I meant fucking dumb. Oh my fucking god I'm only half done with this goddamn shit video.
OH FUCKING GOD. I'm not half over. And now he's said that the goddamn meta-currency that takes people out of the game to consider meta-currency is actually enabling things outside the character sheet. It's full blown opposite world. This guy should just play fucking Fate and get thirsty for some sword lesbians. But I am finally half done. Oh GOD.
Random background/misery: Not terrible, but would be better if we were talking d30s or d60s or d% (big dick tables). With smaller tables you're gonna end up with half a party of "framed for a crime" characters in spite of wide backgrounds. Also a Leech Collector isn't a goddamn thing and you can't even remotely tell me otherwise without sounding like a moron.
Six minutes and nineteen seconds in, we get classes, which finally invalidates the idea that this is a 5E ruleset. Greg Lou is the gayness level of this fucking thing. I'm running out of colorful pejoratives.
Ok, the classes themselves have good flavor and would have been good if they were part of a setting and not part of a bit of high-shillery. Because the game is essentially a scam, this is the heartbreaker aspect of the game.
Corruption is another heartbreaking, relatively good mechanic entirely stolen from D6 Star Wars. A game that came out in the 80s. Also a game this game doesn't have the physical strength to lift the dick of.
Kill Shots: Complete trash, ah there's the game I was expecting. Almost morphed into something less terrible and badly designed. Luckily that guy got lost going to the bathroom.
"Magic Items are virtually non-existent" - Ok, so there are a slew of completely unkillable monsters in nearly every edition. What's the plan there, dingleberry? Didn't think of that, moron?
As a saving grace, he links to a Moldvay Basic review at the end aping the Bard which is phenomenal parody and a great impression. But this game is still landfiller. 0/10 go fuck yourself.
